The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - November 15, 2002

On the Last Exit, well, I don't know what's up yet.  I should know these things by now, but I don't.  I know that next week apparently Zoltan will have a very special guest, but this week, I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens...

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The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught: Afterwards - November 19, 2002

On The Last Exit we had a surprise visit from Satan.  He seems to be a bit desperate for more, well, worshippers.  We will try to help him out in the
near future with the return of a We Love Satan show.  In return, he promised to get Zoltan the Avenger pregnant.  I can't imagine how that will turn out.  

The Metallic Onslaught consisted of the normal fare for The Metallic Onslaught.  There was much Jeff beating. and no sock monkeys.

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The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - November 29, 2002

Ok, this is a combined Beforehands and Afterwards mailing.  For those of you that do not know by now, Jeff The Radio Guy was killed last week on The Metallic Onslaught.  It just got out of hand as they beat him down near the end of the show.  Also, for those of you that don't know, Jeff was a clone. Go to his section on the webpage for a full explaination. 

And finally, from Shoebox...

Saw on Metal Sludge the other day that motley.com recently had a link on their page which you could click on to take you to a PayPal page that would allow you to make a donation to help support motley.com.

They've since taken the link down, after receiving a lot of battering for doing this, but it's clear that Motley Crue is hurting for cash.  I mean hell, Nikki's been trying to write songs for the BACKSTREET BOYS!!  Can you imagine poor Vince Neil, sulking in his mansion and having to snort a lower grade of cocaine?  Gawd, it's enough to bring tears to your eyes...

To prove that the Metallic Onslaught/Last Exit for the Lost team really cares, I think we need to do something to make a difference and help our poor unfortunate millionaires get out of their slump and get back to putting out rockin' albums like "New Tattoo."  Thus, I propose the creation of the Metallic Onslaught/Last Exit Money For Motley fund.  And I already have some fund-raising ideas:

- Start charging Satan for advertising
- Sell our excess useless stuff on eBay (CDs we haven't played in years, broken chairs, broken tables, Lance, etc.)
- Let listeners poke Azkath or Rick in the belly for a dollar (two bucks to poke me because I'm a rock star)
- Stop mentioning Gene Simmons from Kiss, since we have to send him 20 every time we say his name.  We can say "Creamed Gibbons and Piss" as a replacement.
- A Jeff-beating telethon (beat him mercilessly to the point that he's screaming and bleeding on the floor, then cut to a plea for pledges, demanding a $50-$100 donation to finish the job)
- Zoltan the Avenger's hot steamy sex line, where your nastiest tire-pressure related fantasies are fulfilled:  1-900-69-DENIM
- Make everybody...EVERYBODY...buy the latest Worm Quaret album, "Stupid Video Game Music," available even as we speak for a mere $6.00 from www.wormquartet.com.  I won't donate any of the proceeds to the fund, but it'll put me in a better mood so I can think of more fund-raising ideas. Burning all the sock monkeys in the tri-state area might help too.
- Kidnap N'Sync and threaten to let them go unless we get 20 million dollars.
- Make the Last Exit web site a pay site, and add a 24-hour-a-day "Foul Mouth Girl's Bellybutton" cam.  Granted, we'll have to convince her to walk around all day with a camera strapped to her midsection, but hey...this is for the CRUE.
- Sell Jeff's bodily secretions to terrorists

That's about all I've got, but hey, it's more than YOU'VE done.
Come on, everybody, this Christmas, think of those more fortunate
than you and give generously to the Money for Motley fund.

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The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught: Afterwards- December 2, 2002

That was an odd weekend.  First, I made a rare appearance on The Metallic Onslaught and I brought with me a closet-full of Jeffie's.  Hollywood Bri
Bri helped me create a bunch of them.  I don't remember how many there were off-hand.  8 or 9 I believe.  Unfortunately, they are all dead now, too.
They were nowhere near as durable as the original.  Between Joe, Rick, Shoebox, and Lance, they killed all the Jeff's.  A couple of them died all
on their own through stupidity.  It was kinda sad.  However, for some reason, Shoebox took it upon himself to antagonize me, which resulted in him
getting beaten as well.  It was strange.  And then, he also brought a 'new' Worm Quartet song called J.R.O.  It stood for Joe's Really Old.  This
inspired Joe to slap Shoebox around a bit later on in the show as well.  It may have been the most Chaotic Metallic Onslaught ever...

